it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
