Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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