I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
