What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
