i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
