his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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