apparently the secret to your success is patron
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
