Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
