I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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