He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
