Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
