This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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