I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
