I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
