I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
