I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
