Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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