I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
