i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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