so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
