Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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