Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
