He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
