he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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