This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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