Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
