In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
people are starting to question the shark bite story
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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