Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
