Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
