I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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