I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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