i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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