Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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