Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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