so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
