She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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