I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
