Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
