my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
