I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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