I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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