you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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