I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
