try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
