We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
