Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
