i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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