God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
