just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
