Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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