thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
