I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
worst night to have a conscience
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
