Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
