we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
