You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
